I sit here on the cusp of a huge change, “imposter syndrome” trickling into my mind constantly and tapping eagerly to get in and sabotage what I’ve been working so hard for.
Loyalty is something that is important to me. Having been at my current job for five years, I have dedicated myself to educating; molding and developing others, often forsaking my own needs to ensure theirs were met. There are late night e-mails, weekends away that turned into open laptops and aiding in distress, as my family enjoyed a trip away we so desperately needed to reconnect. But I love what I do and seeing my students succeed, and that means I’m needed quite often.
But now potential opportunity knocks at my door, having me question the past decade of work, and five years where an employer realized that while work hours can be sporadic, grueling and frustrating, the work has been equally as rewarding. My employers know me and I know them. The culture of the company and my team is firmly implanted in my own life. I never question where I stand or if I’m needed, but I’ve grown stagnant. No more forward momentum, as there is nowhere else to go.
My growth has ended.
This new position would allow me to grow and flourish, stop living check to check (higher education is not known for its monetary gain) and allow me a role that utilizes my various degrees and talents.
But then it happens, each interview that I pass bringing me closer and closer to a potential job offer, I feel sick to my stomach.
What if I can’t do the job?
Are they sure I’m good enough?
Am I sure I’m good enough?
How can I say goodbye to my current job? This is all I’ve known.
Change can be challenging, scary and uncertain, but so can not taking chances and opportunities to allow growth and learning on both a personal and professional level. I constantly fear I’m not good enough, smart enough, or ready to embrace this caliber of change. That fickle imposter syndrome is handling the reigns yet again and simultaneously taking any joy out of how far I’ve come. How much I’ve learned and succeeded already, just by making it this far!
We ought to vow that no matter how hard it becomes, how scared we are—never to give up. Even when change seems scary and uncertain, grab hold of those emotions and process them, allow them to be fully understood, so growth can occur. If we cast aside how we feel, life will continue to repeat itself over and over.
Letting go of what we know is scary, but growth can only continue if we allow it. If we remain stagnant for too long, it takes us over; the joy, exhilaration, and happiness slowly dying with it. Sometimes we have to say goodbye to our comfort, our security and day-to-day routine to truly find our potential. It may be a small step, but try that different coffee at Starbucks. Set boundaries at a job that is eating away at your personal life more and more each day; say goodbye to things that once made you happy and no longer do.
I don’t know whether this opportunity ahead of me will become an offer that will cause a total shift in my life, but I am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason. Whether this opportunity was put in front of me simply to aid me in realizing my full potential, or rethink my career goals completely, I am thankful for this journey.
Reflection on oneself isn’t easy, but necessary. We need to learn it’s okay to let things go. Wave goodbye, and with open arms embrace whatever the universe has in store for us.
Make room for new opportunities and possibilities. We owe ourselves that. And please never settle for anything less than you’re worth.