While not always true, most moms tend to have their children either while they are younger or while they are older. But, for most moms, they only experience one or the other. It’s easy to understand whichever category you fall into and, in contrast, it’s not always easy to understand the other. If you spend any time on social media looking at mom reels, you’ll likely see there is talk, debate even, on which is easier or harder.
I am one of the few that had kids at both stages of life. I had my oldest daughter when I was 23 years old. Fast forward a little way, and thanks to births timed around my birthday and having Irish twins, I had both my other two daughters at 39 years old.
I’m here to say…neither is easier! Are there differences? Yes. Are there benefits for one over the other? Sometimes. Are there challenges in both stages? Absolutely.
Being a Younger Mom
When my oldest daughter was born, I didn’t have anything figured out. I was virtually clueless in life, in motherhood and in work. For most people at that age, they are likely in the same situation. That’s the beauty of being young; you get to figure yourself and life around you out. However, that likely was the biggest disadvantage to being a young mom.
It’s hard to have someone rely on you and raise another human when you yourself are still figuring things out. For me, this often meant I felt unsure of my decisions as a mom and sometimes didn’t have a ton of confidence as a parent.
The biggest advantage of being a younger mom was by far having more energy. I was able to run, play and crawl around with my baby and toddler without my knees hurting and feeling like I needed a caffeine IV. You also have this sense of openness to a long life ahead.
Being an Older Mom
First off, if you have kids after 35, be ready at the OBGYN appointment to be labeled a geriatric mama. My recommendation is to lean into it and not feel overly sensitive about it.
Even if you aren’t in your dream career or feel 100% confident all the time, by that age, you are sure to have enough life experience to have a better grasp on parenting and life than your younger self. This is the best asset for an older mom. It helps you to feel more confident, most of the time, in your parental decisions. Now, I no longer second guess myself or feel pressured by others to conform to aspects that aren’t my parenting style.
Let’s be real though, there are still setbacks as an older mom. The weaker bones and tiredness are very real! When you are trying to keep up with a crawling infant or wild toddler, it feels very exhausting.
As we get older and as we lose those close to us, it’s only natural for that “life is short” mindset to feel very real. This often translates into our parenting methods and philosophies. When I was 23, it was easy to feel like I had this never-ending life ahead with my new baby. Today, at 42, the reality of mortality does sink in stronger as I raise my toddlers and watch proudly as my oldest thrives in college.
Motherhood Age Debate Results
No matter if you have kids at a younger age or older age, there will always be advantages and challenges to both. So, the next time you see someone online say one is better than the other, as someone that has lived through both, the answer is neither is superior. Motherhood is, no matter what your age, the hardest yet most rewarding life experience! The one truth to take away from this is that there’s no perfect age to become a mom.
