By SUZANNE HANNA
Being the mom of a graduating senior who is headed to college is no joke. All of the “lasts” and all of the “firsts” combine to leave us feeling overwhelmed, emotional and completely unprepared.
As a mom who has endured the sending-off-your-first-born-to-college time, I truly understand where you are. I see you, and I feel your pain.
See It Through Their Eyes
Right now, your job is to get your senior ready for this lifechanging transition, and the most important takeaways to understand are – your parenting job is nowhere near completion, and you are needed now (more than ever) to ensure your future college student feels supported.
Look at this transition from your senior’s perspective – they are facing the scariest and most exciting move of their lives. They are terrified (even if they seem confident), and they are constantly worrying (about making friends, what they’ll eat, if they’ll get homesick, etc.). When you step away from your own worries, you can more clearly see theirs. Perspective is everything, especially when we are required to find more patience in our parenting.
Set Realistic Expectations
We tend to sell college to kids as “the best time of your life” proclaiming, “you’ll meet your best friends! Your bridesmaids!” This is entirely unfair because life is life wherever you land. I see kids who are set up for failure because they arrive at their colleges and are immediately disappointed because they have difficulty making friends and feel homesick. Remind your senior that college is just the next four years of life. And, we adults know that life is just life.
My favorite reminder for graduating seniors is, “Wherever you go, there you are.” Your hopes, dreams, fears and insecurities follow you (wherever you go) and will not magically disappear once you change locations. Helping your senior understand that life is life will help them to take a breath and stop putting so much pressure on themselves to create a perfectly curated college experience.
Provide Stability, More Than Ever
Your job is to provide stability, unconditional support and reassurance. When your senior pushes you away, that’s when they need you the most. Remember those tough middle school days when you wondered why you decided to become a parent in the first place? I’m talking about THAT level of stability. A patient and calm presence ensures they are heard and understood.
Having one foot in college and one foot still at home, they are living in two places, which is confusing, overwhelming and causes mood swings. Tell them it’s normal and understandable that they’re feeling disoriented and emotional. We all know what it’s like to live “on the fence,” and that is their current reality. Ask them how it feels. Let them talk. Do not interject. Do not judge. They need to feel heard.
Remain engaged. If they refuse to open up, you can say, “I get it – sometimes I need space, too. I’m here if you need me.” Do not give up!
Everyone’s Timeline is Different: That’s Okay
Your senior might be “Little Miss I’m Ready to Move In,” who has her dorm room designed, purchased and linens already washed, or you might have “Mr. I Don’t Care,” who shows up on day one with a bed-in-a-bag and two bath towels (that you packed). Seniors will get ready when they are ready. Yes, it is beyond frustrating (I’ve been there with my oldest). But, you have to let go and let them figure it out.
Remember, they aren’t getting ready because they aren’t ready yet! Don’t compare your senior’s progress to someone else’s. That will drive you insane. Ironically, your child might be the one who was always “Miss Goes First,” and now she’s not even turning in her assignments. It happens – she’s just not ready, so don’t push her. What’s the worst case scenario? She calls the third day in and says, “MOM, I need lamps! I need extra pillows!” You hop online, order and have it delivered. She figured out what she needed, and it was her idea. You are actually the winner in this situation.
You’ve Got This, Sweet Mama
Creating a stable space where your senior feels comfortable being open and honest provides a solid foundation for their future success. Understanding their perspective, setting realistic expectations, not comparing their timeline to others and remembering that your parenting is more important now than ever before will ensure that you are providing the best parenting possible. You will endure, I promise.
Suzanne Hanna, Ed.S. is a Life Coach for College and Teen Girls. Suzanne served WS/FCS as Assistant Principal at local schools including Reagan High School and Mt. Tabor High School. She is also a mother to two kids (a college student and a teenager), a wife and a lover of books and the outdoors. Suzanne can be found on Instagram @suzannehannacoaching and at suzannehannacoaching.com.
