I was thinking about two things recently, graduation season approaching and a good friend who lost his longtime job. I realized these two completely different scenarios shared a common concern – confronting life’s most frequent query.
You’re at a party, mingling with friends and “new acquaintances,” and someone inevitably asks, “So, what do you do?” Suddenly, you feel the spotlight on you. Depending on your age, the reaction can vary. In your early 20s, this question can stir up a cocktail of emotions – excitement, anxiety, pride and perhaps a touch of dread.
Those fresh out of college might feel a combination of exhilaration and pressure. You’ve just spent years studying, likely racked up some student debt and now you’re expected to have a stellar job that makes it all worthwhile. But, let’s be real, very few people land a dream job right out of the gate. You might be working in a temporary position or in a role that doesn’t exactly match your degree, and that’s perfectly okay. The average person holds around 12 jobs throughout his or her lifetime.
“You can’t connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backward.” ~ Steve Jobs.
The scrutiny might feel even more intense for those who chose a different direction. It’s as if you’re constantly being judged for not following the so-called “traditional” path. But, here’s the thing – success doesn’t require a diploma. Mark Zuckerberg and Bill Gates are famous examples. The key is to focus on your strengths and passions and keep pushing forward. Nevertheless, this question can be a rollercoaster. You might feel inadequate if you’re not where you thought you’d be by now. Social media doesn’t help either, with its endless stream of highlight reels showing your peers landing amazing jobs, traveling the world and living seemingly perfect lives. But, here’s a reminder – what you see online is often a curated version of reality. Everyone has their struggles and setbacks; no one is immune.
As for those in their 30s and 40s, by this point, you’ve likely settled into a career, so the question “What do you do?” might evoke a different set of emotions.
Perhaps, you started with big dreams and high hopes, however, reality steered you towards a job that pays the bills but doesn’t necessarily ignite your passion. Then, there are life’s tests – family responsibilities, financial pressures and unexpected opportunities – that often shape our career paths in ways we could’ve never predicted.
Emotionally, this stage of life can be challenging. Our society places so much importance on professional achievements. Therefore, we often equate our self worth with our job title which can be a heavy burden to carry. But, it’s important to remember that your worth isn’t tied to your profession. As Brené Brown, author and researcher, reminds us, “Owning our story and loving ourselves through that process is the bravest thing that we will ever do.”
For those in their 50s and 60s, this question can induce a mixed bag of feelings from pride to reflection, nostalgia and sometimes even a twinge of regret.
By this stage in life, your proficiency is maximized and your profession becomes a significant part of your identity after decades spent honing your skills, building a career and amassing a wealth of experience and knowledge. This can be a source of immense pride and accomplishment. However, societal expectations can add a layer of pressure. There’s often an unspoken assumption that, by this age, you should have “made it” in your career. This can be daunting, especially if you feel you haven’t achieved all that you set out to do. Few ever do. However, it’s possible to find fulfillment and purpose at any stage of life. As Carl Jung, the renowned psychiatrist, once said, “Life really begins at 40. Up until then, you are just doing research.” This perspective highlights the ongoing journey of self discovery and growth that continues throughout our lives. It’s comforting to realize that every stage of life brings new opportunities and experiences.
So, how can we improve the way we perceive and define people based on their answers to this question? First, let’s start by emphasizing individuality. Encourage conversations that go beyond job titles. Inquire about hobbies, interests and personal achievements. This way, we can get a more comprehensive understanding of the person. By approaching the question with sensitivity and openness, we encourage more heartening and enriching conversations.
Finally, how do you handle this question personally, when asked, without feeling uncomfortable? Start by owning your journey. Whether you’re happily content, still figuring things out or taking a different path, be proud of who and where you are, and embrace the uncertainty and the possibilities that come with it. Remember, you’re thinking about this far more than they are, so don’t spend too much energy on it.
Maya Angelou said it best, “People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did but people will never forget how you made them feel.”
Musical Selection: Kacy Hill – I Believe In You ft. Francis and the Lights (Official Video)
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