Imagine a Gen X parent standing at the door of their teen’s bedroom, asking how school was. Their Gen Z child mumbles, “fine” in response without looking up, with AirPods in, they’re busy scrolling through their feeds. The parent sighs. Another dead end exchange. This isn’t an uncommon scenario in homes today. It doesn’t represent a lack of love; it simply illustrates how this world is viewed through two distinctly different lenses and responds uniquely as well.
Communicating across generations can be difficult. When the relationship is parent/child, it becomes even more important to cross the divide by understanding the differences and working cooperatively within them. A child will never fully understand the parent, at least, not until they become one. Conversely, regardless of their experience level, a parent only partially understands their child. But, does that mean they can never form a meaningful connection? Certainly not. One just needs to understand what drives their differences, and this awareness changes the formula for a successful connection. Renowned psychologist Carl Jung once said, “The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed.”
The differences between, in this example, Gen X and Gen Z, are rooted in the worlds they grew up in. Gen X, born between 1965 and 1980, was raised in a time when independence was a necessity. They rode their bikes and played outside unsupervised, created mixtapes from the radio and came of age in the shadow of the Cold War and the birth of the internet. They were taught to be self-reliant, to keep their emotions in check and to follow the rules. Gen Z, born between 1997 and 2012, has grown up fully immersed in technology. They’ve never known life without smartphones or social media and have come of age amid climate anxiety, school shootings and the COVID-19 pandemic. Mental health is openly discussed and embraced, identity is fluid and digital connection is second nature.
These different realities shape how each generation communicates. It’s said that Gen X parents often value directness and face-to-face conversation. They might find their teen’s reliance on emojis and short texts frustrating or even rude. But for Gen Z, brevity and the occasional biting wit aren’t signs of disinterest; they’re simply how they’ve learned to express themselves in a fast moving, digital world. Meanwhile, teens may find their parents’ concerns or advice dismissive or outdated, totally unaware that a parent’s default is to fix, not just to listen.
This gap leads to frequent misunderstandings. As in my earlier example, when a parent asks about their teen’s day and hears “fine,” they assume it means “everything’s okay.” But “fine” could mean “I’m exhausted, anxious or stressed and don’t know how to say it.” Likewise, teens might hear a parent say, “When I was your age…” and immediately tune out, missing the compassion and wisdom underneath the comparison. Misperceptions, perhaps as a result of what Stephen R. Covey explains, “The biggest communication problem is we do not listen to understand. We listen to reply.”
Bridging this gap requires patience, awareness and understanding on both sides. Each side needs to appreciate and embrace that their perspectives are shaped and influenced by a different time. As George Orwell once said, “Each generation imagines itself to be more intelligent than the one that went before it, and wiser than the one that comes after it.” Recognizing this bias is the first step to moving beyond it. It’s suggested that parents may need to unlearn the instinct to control the conversation. Being available, rather than always advising, often makes a bigger impact. This is one that I am personally working towards. Engaging with them, even lightly, sends a powerful message that you care about their world, and at the same time, aren’t trying to control it.
In this scenario, Gen Z also plays a role in building the bridge. Instead of assuming their parents can’t understand, they can offer context. Many Gen X parents, for example, want to connect but are unsure of how to navigate their child’s digital or emotional landscape. Giving them that entry point, even if it’s just by showing them a meme or explaining a trend, can open the door to meaningful interaction.
My son and I have discovered a common interest in certain music, and we share new musical discoveries. (Can you believe that?) He even points out the lyrics on special occasions. Such as a quote he included on a Father’s Day card that said, “A present father is worth way more than a perfect dad.” ~ “Father Figure” by Jon Bellion. That’s a compliment, right?
When both generations begin to understand and support, not fix or judge, one another, they eliminate the obstacle and replace it with something much better – connection. And, in the words of author Brené Brown, “Connection is why we’re here; it is what gives purpose and meaning to our lives.”
It’s not always easy, but it’s worth it.
Musical Selection: Coldplay – ALL MY LOVE (Official Video)
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