There are some family traditions that bring warmth, joy and waves of treasured nostalgia to us each holiday season. Some traditions, however, bring a weight of obligation and expectation. This time of year has so many opportunities to choose exciting ways to create memorable experiences and, for those wanting to deviate from some of their older family’s time-honored traditions, there may be feelings of guilt. As you build your own family, embracing holiday traditions that feel authentic to your values despite them being different from those you grew up with, may lead to a holiday season of fulfillment instead of frustration.
Embracing Changing Values
It’s not always easy for extended families to understand, but as we get older and have children, sometimes our values evolve. Maybe your parents and siblings have always had a secular Christmas approach, whereas you and your family hold Christian beliefs. Perhaps your parents made the holidays a large extravagant affair, but you treasure simplicity. Evolved values aren’t a rejection of your family and their long time traditions, it’s honoring your own values and what feels meaningful versus what doesn’t.
Adapting to New Schedules
One of the largest shifts in traditions reportedly comes from having small children. The desire to continue with the same early morning get-togethers or late-into-the-night parties along with long distance drives and travel aren’t conducive to young family schedules. If you are working hard to prioritize your little one’s nap or feeding schedule, it might mean you aren’t participating in the usual traditions. You want to strive for an enjoyable holiday season, not an overwhelming one – at least where you can help it!
Honoring Different Styles
There’s a reason so many movies incorporate the scenario of the mother of the bride trying to hand down her wedding dress to her daughter only to reveal a gaudy old-timey gown. How many of us can relate to something being passed down or expected that is completely outside of our own style and taste? Maybe traditional sit-down dining makes you feel too formal, and you prefer casual buffet style serving. Your family may want a colorful christmas tree whereas your grandparents have always gone green and red. It’s okay to change up your decor, events and hosting styles.
Shifting Holiday Priorities
There can be such a weight from other people’s expectations that we don’t want to “rock the boat” or cause anyone to take offense. The truth is, your priorities changing is your inner compass to point you towards what’s going to make you feel at peace. Maybe trips on Christmas to your parents, in-laws and friends’ homes were part of your tradition in the past. This year, maybe you’re prioritizing a calm, at-home family focused day instead. Just because something has been a tradition in the past doesn’t mean it has to be part of your holiday season. You and your immediate family are allowed to choose something different.
Communicating with Family
Lots of families come to a place where they aren’t on the same page. Instead of approaching these conversations with defensiveness, try to be honest and empathetic. You can come from a place of love for your family’s traditions and holiday memories while sharing your own children and spouse’s change of heart. Wanting to do something different this year isn’t about rejecting them, it’s about embracing what’s best for you at this time. You may even find that your extended family is open to exploring new ways of doing things when you come from a place of gratitude and love.
Honoring Both Old & New
Family traditions are meant to evolve the same way individual families do. Remember when that guilt starts to manifest, your past generations created traditions that aligned with their wants, needs and priorities, and you can give yourself permission to do the same. This year, embrace the old and the new by crafting experiences that include what feels the most important and treasured. You’ll look back at the season with such love and joy.
