When you’re a parent of small children, bedtime can feel like a marathon with no finish line. The goal? Stick to the routine and maybe – just maybe – everyone will make it out unscathed.
In our house, bedtime has followed the same general script for as long as I can remember: pajamas, potty and teeth, read a book, make up a story (but only in the glider, because apparently any other location is unacceptable), song and snuggles. And, let’s not forget about the occasional passionate speech from our son about the deep injustices of bedtime. Rinse and repeat.
One night, after a Zoom meeting ended earlier than expected, I tiptoed upstairs to see if there was still time to make a surprise guest appearance and sneak in a few extra snuggles. I stood in the hallway and could hear my husband’s voice, calm and familiar. I quietly pushed open the door and knelt beside him at our son’s toddler bed.
“Did Daddy already sing?” I whispered.
“Not yet,” my son whispered back, “we’re doing questions.”
Questions? I glanced at my husband, giving him that look – the kind only two people who’ve been together forever can decipher without saying a word. And, that’s when I learned about the three simple, beautiful questions my husband has been asking our son at bedtime every night.
- What was your favorite part of today?
- What are you grateful for today?
- Did you help anyone or show kindness today?
I was genuinely taken aback – in the best way – by the intentionality of this quiet conversation time my husband had created. I realized how easy it can be to just go through the motions to get our son to sleep after a long day, but here was my husband, carving out a small but meaningful space each night to pause, reflect and connect.
Later that evening, I asked my husband where the idea came from.
He thought for a moment and said, “The one thing my family gave me – without question – was a strong ability to focus on the positive parts of my day.” We talked about what a huge help gratitude can be for both of us in managing stress and even keeping moods balanced.
He went on to explain that he started asking the questions after noticing our son beginning to hyper-fixate on moments that didn’t go well – a struggle at school, a mistake he made or a fear he couldn’t shake. “I get worried sometimes,” my husband admitted. “I know how easy it is to get stuck in that loop of only seeing the negative. So, I thought if we could create a nightly habit of remembering the good – the joy, the things we’re thankful for and the ways we show kindness – it might help shift his focus and build a stronger sense of self worth. I love how confident he is and I don’t want that to fade.”
And, then he added something that stuck with me and I think all of us as parents want for our children. “I hope that one day, this becomes second nature for him – that he grows up seeing his own worth, being proud of who he is, even with his imperfections.”
These three simple questions can sometimes make our son’s little brain spark the funniest, most random conversations. “He’ll suddenly ask me a totally unrelated question, or we’ll end up giggling about something silly – and that’s the best part. It’s my favorite time of day with him.”
It’s too easy to get caught in the mechanics of the bedtime routine – the teeth brushing, the books, the “I’m thirsty” requests right before lights out. We have to pause to remember that connection with our kids doesn’t have to be complicated. A simple question or two (or three) can create a lifelong impact and memory for our kids if we’re intentional enough to make space for it.
