My niece is a twenty-something, post-college graduate, already having embarked on a critical phase of her life. My twenty-something sons know all too well my philosophy that what you do in your twenties is critical and highly impacts where your life and career go from there. Simply put, where you start matters in life. Whether it’s a career, relationships or personal finances, you name it, this era of your life is vitally important. The problem is, how many of us, remembering back to this time, recall being incredibly wise in the area of decision making? 

For several years now, I’ve been knee deep in advice and guidance for my two young men/sons. In recent years, however, my sister-in-law’s two daughters, who are very close in age to my sons, have shown me that the female perspective on this very important decade of life – that being from age 20 to 30 – can be even more stressful and challenging. And, they’re right. 

In this important span of time, both genders must decide on next steps towards further education and/or training, the ultimate career sector they wish to pursue, housing (be it rental or purchase), sudden accumulation of debt (education, insurance, automobile, credit cards, start-up costs including deposits, furniture and more) and how to manage it effectively, while maintaining a beneficial social life and sustainable friendships (now that everyone is beginning to go their own way). Notice I haven’t even mentioned intimate relationships which are so volatile in this era of life. They can either propel you to further heights or squash your ego and self esteem, requiring even more precious time to overcome. Treading this decade is like walking on onion-skin paper; each step you take risks breaking the fiber of what comes next.   

For the females, however, there’s an added concern. As young women today aspire to accomplish the goals and objectives already mentioned, two other very important decisions weigh heavily on many young women’s minds. These, of course, are marriage and children. The men feel this as well, but not at the same level of intensity most often, and not with the same physical barriers incumbent on delayed choices. So, take everything from the paragraph before, and add a spouse and children to the mix of decision-making in this 10-year period and you have potentially one big ball of stress, walking around masquerading as a confident, intelligent, alpha-female, who knows where she’s going and exactly how she’s going to get there. And I thought raising sons was tough. I know my sister-in-law’s cellphone is a lifeline for the day-to-day struggles her daughters have to navigate. 

Now that I’ve presented a picture resembling The Scream (by Norwegian artist Edvard Munch), I probably should offer some well meaning advice on circumnavigating this treacherous terrain. The answers are not much different than what we all should be doing routinely in our lives. First, avoid letting social media envy affect your desire and motivation to shape your own course. Exercise, eat healthy, try yoga, meditation and other healthy options that make you feel good. Join sports leagues, special interest groups, volunteer – basically all things that get you out of the house and increase healthy social connections. Never stop learning; continue to gain insights into things that will help shape your life in the direction you want. Keep your skills sharp, especially those in the field in which you aspire to grow. If possible and available, find a mentor to guide you in the areas of your life where you need help the most. During this period, the problem is also the solution – always be looking ahead. Sure, it can bring worry, but it can also bring careful thought and consideration that avoids the typical pitfalls of procrastination. You won’t do everything right, most likely, but that doesn’t necessarily mean it’s wrong. It’s just a different path. Maya Angelou said, “Do the best you can until you know better; once you know better, do better.” 

Also essential, understand and realize that, although this period is important for your future, you still have the opportunity afterwards to mend mistakes, change directions if needed, further enhance your skills and knowledge, and find that special someone. As Maya advised, “If you don’t like something, change it. If you can’t change it, change your attitude.” As for the past, “The past can hurt…you can either run from it or learn from it.” ~ The Lion King

Finally, squeeze all the juice you can out of this moment. “If you get a chance, take it. If it changes your life, let it.” ~ Harvey MacKay. And, don’t be afraid. “You can’t be that kid at the top of the water slide, overthinking it. You have to go down the chute.” ~ Tina Fey 

As for my niece, mentioned earlier, over the last few years, she has celebrated college graduation, an engagement, a flourishing career in the security and legal field, and recently purchased her first home. Congratulations, Kinsey; to quote AJR, “Don’t turn around kid, you know what you’re doing.”

Musical Selection: AJR – The Big Goodbye (Official Video) [Warning: brief strong language.]

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